Hey

I miss you bro

Rot

Rotting into the sea of loneliness I feel empty.. can't complain I brought myself here.. why's it hurt so bad? Guess cause I care too much.. Should be happy.. I'm not.. I told her once if your happy I'm happy.. will that promise be true?? I pray so.. I can't break every promise I made her... Fuck I feel like a ass... Trying not to reach for the pack with only two more smokes left... so tempting..

So todays my dad's Birthday.. Happy Birthday dad... I miss you so much.. I wonder what would been like if you where here.. would I be a stuck up child or the country retard I am today?? Why did God take you when I was so young.. would of been amazing to know you.. Hope you ain't to disappointed in me.. I'm not the best kid I could be.. Randy is a good father-figure... I truly have learned a lot from him.. Still miss you though.. When I think of you I think of Black Tide's Into the Sky.. I'm here because of you.. Thank you.. I can't wait to see you one day.. Hopefully I won't cry too much.. I'm getting that tattoo of the Celtic cross with your name and Grammy and Dada's names also... It's all for yall.. Mainly for you dad.. so I will never forget you.. I love you..........

War

Well found out some news today... She's moved on.. I feel a slight happiness for her.. no sense being stuck over someone.. keep moving don't quit.. She deserves it.. now for me to move on.. easier said than done when this girl meant the world to me.. my fault for letting emotions rule my life.. never again.. but now my emotions are at war.. my left eye is trying to cry yet my right is bone dry... I don't understand.. whatever.. Happiness needs to hurry it's sweet ass into my life lol. I can't control what happens in my life.. anyway need things to do.. sitting in the house thinking to myself drives me insane.. stupid song stays in my head.. i need a job a truck and a house.. hell a tattoo wouldn't hurt.. a puppy would be amazing right now.. God I hope she finds a great guy.. just hope she doesn't forget me.. anyway enough sad talk.. Stay positive.. ha thats going to be a challenge... CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!!!

3 night's

It's been the third night this week I've dreamt about her.. wondering when it will finally end... I mean it's not like I hate her or anything it's the complete opposite.. it's just I don't think it will work.. we've tried sooo many time and most of the times it's been my fault so it's me who's giving up, breaking my promises and letting her down.. she deserves better than me and I stand behind that... I'm just a kid finishing high school... no job... living off my dad's SS money... I stay confused and let my anger and emotions control my decisions... no one can fix me so don't try... I just pray she finds that special someone that is nothing like me and can make her life beautiful... as far as these dreams i'll deal with them deal with the guilt of letting her go but maybe for the best... eh i dont know what's for the best anymore.. I'm Sorry...

Sunday

Well another Sunday... been at my stepbrothers watching football all day good to spend time with him. I really need the time with my family to clear my head.. My team (Falcons) lost by 4 points so no superbowl for them this year.. but thats okay they did a hell of a job.. anyway just bought Dante's Inferno gonna play some then go to bed.. more job looking tomorrow.. i really need one.. well hope yall had a great Sunday.. See ya..

Quick one..

Just updating quickly how my night went.. heading to town with my stepdad hopefully have some fun..

ok well sleep yeah I slept.. dreams on the other hand... I dreamed of her again... and Hungry (my dog that has recently been put down).. soo put two and two together u see that my dream was of the happiest time in my life... but then you wake up to the hell your living now.. every song is just depressing me.. actually feel like crying for once in god knows when.. whatever..

anyway got to go see ya peeps later..

Home at last

So I just got back from family dinner.. was great going to be spending some time with my stepbrother this weekend. I believe I'll enjoy that.

Soo my temper today has been weirdly bad I dont know why but I'm calming down now..

hmmm... Girls... they confuse me..

well let's see not much on me at this time just tired and wondering what tomorrow is going to hold.. I believe I'll play some Ninja Guiden 2..

hope yall are doing good if anyone needs to talk comment I'm always listening

Back

back home now from Mustang's. Had a great time with him and Izu.. my temper started getting flared around 4 or 5 this morning but a little sleep helped some.. wish i could of just had a dip... but my top gums are cut so dipping would really hurt...

anyway time to head to SC for a family dinner. Hope everyones having a good day.. other than bad news mines been okay so far.. well later peeps

GT-R

Guys you have no idea how much I love this car... Such a fast car to be a V6... I love forza 4 I get to drive one to ease my pain of not having $150,000 to own one... Fuck... whatever haha. With Izu and Mustang... gonna be a fun night... later yall :)

Update 1/17

I Love One More Night by Maroon 5

That is all.

Over.

It's over. School is now done for me. At least till next wednesday.. sitting here listening to Black Veil Brides. Texting Crazy.. Funny how much trust I have lost for Tink.. I talk to Crazy and she understands and helps me.. its weird that a girl i've met just a couple of months ago can gain so much of my trust.. When a girl I've known for YEARS and has been my best friend girlfriend and soo much more just lost it like that.. i mean no disrespect when I say this. I mean she still is my best friend I just wonder why we can't get along together anymore? Is it me? Is it Her? God I don't know.. but we ain't talking at the moment so I just don't care..

I want out of this hell for a while.. I hear Tinks voice telling me to not run from your problems.. fuck.. I told myself a girl would never do this to me.. drive me soooo insane.. whatever I just want out of this town.. at least for a little bit..

So I went to church last night.. was freaking out about seeing her again... she wasn't there.. I actually depressed me but oh well...

Crazy just made me lose..... Damnit..

So Izu has been at my place all week.. he is like a brother to me.. he is a true friend.. he is so different then me yet he is like the perfect friend.. most of the time.. haha

If I didn't text Crazy I would soo go insane... she gives me advice and also keeps me entertained.. have so much respect for her.. but wish i could help her like she helps me.. Where is my life leading??

I'M NOT GAY!!!

I'M NOT... but like he's my brother he is the one person I trust... he helps me through things.. I'm depressed I know I woke up today hating everything. Then I called him... He's in town.. HANG OUT.. now all I want is to just get out of town for a while.. maybe next weekend after exams. I need time away from the church the people everything just be with him and see how life is somewhere else.. so I made a 96 on my Graduation Project and I went to look at my cousins truck... frames bent not going to get it too much money to fix... money I no have.. soooo job now.. need one.. this place has no fucking jobs whats so ever... guess i need to start looking harder.. anyway I'll get back to posting regularly soon enough just need to make myself get the time... anyway later peeps.

Sorry

Sorry for such a delay in posting have had a bunch of school and family stuff to deal with. I will tell more about later for now to hit the bed and relax for once. Senior project is over hope I did good. Goodnight peeped

Brotherly Love

Hey son. I know shit been hard lately, and I'm quite a bit away now. But know one thing, I'm still your bro.  I'm still here when ya need someone. When shit gets tougher, call me. Be good nigga. I miss ya.